Revision

In order to revise my essay as a whole, I need to specify more of my ideas and expands the ideas to come across more clearly. I need to eliminate wordiness in my introduction and first paragraphs, I will either take out some words or combine ideas in separate sentences. I need to eliminate some uses of passive voice in my introduction paragraph by just changing the tense of the verbs. In the introduction I use the word 'you' a lot so I have to rearrange my sentences to avoid being too personal. I need to use different words to justify the meaning of my ideas. I generalize my ideas too much, in my second paragraph especially, so I need to delete sentences and/or be more specific with the point I want to make. I need to work on my introduction as a whole more and make it flow a little more being towards the end it's really rough. I need to eliminate any confusion on my conclusion as well and make it more specific.

Two paragraphs

An individual is a person with an identity. Since a society is compromised of a group of individuals, there are similar and contrasting interests dispersed throughout the variety of people which can be ignored or accepted. Individuality consists of constant peer pressure which leads to the challenging question: when in life is it the time to conform to society’s expectations? Although independence makes everybody different, isolation is the resultant and can transform one’s psychological issues of how to cope with separation. Individuality connotes freedom of expression without the need of anybody else’s influence. Society is a cruel monster that never leaves your side; and one must battle their entire life to try to escape its influential power over one’s mind and life style. Disrespect and no consideration for one’s values belittles one to the extent that conforming to society is necessary at some level; and as your life continues to change, and so have the societies around you, it is then your opportunity to judge how your values define yourself and what needs to change in order to conform and what personal qualities remain the same. Transitions and acceptance can illuminate your growth from one atmosphere to another; such as, changing schools, adapting fashions trends, etc. Society’s pressure has never really disappeared, but has been adapted to different situations to form escalation in one’s identity. Conformity is a version of growing as an individual and sometimes it is necessary to live in a happy environment instead of suffering from disrespect. While at first individuality presumably leads to happiness and freedom from conformity, close examination reveals that disrespect and isolation is the consequence without conventionally abiding to society’s inescapable pressurized way of life.

 

Individuality cannot be learnt nor taught and not even replaced; however, society provokes you to over think your independence and warp your identity into a polished replica of other thoughts. Society isn’t a newly furnished concept; peer pressure occurred in the 19^th century as well. Austen’s novel Pride & Prejudice illuminates the battle between individuality and whether to conform to family customs. Elizabeth Bingley was taught, by her mother, that her priority is to marry a rich man in order to achieve happiness; likewise, Elizabeth’s four sisters obey their mother but Elizabeth strays from the ordinary custom, arguing:  “I have spend four days in the same house with him, and I think him very disagreeable” (53). Elizabeth is able to look beyond Mr. Darcy’s wealth and stature and judge his personality honestly. Her individuality allows her to judge who she marries instead of conforming to her mother’s regulations for all her daughters. In present day the resistance and battle lives on, in regards to different conventions, and is exemplified by the dilemma Elizabeth faces. Furthermore, one’s opinion on somebody influences everybody in society to see that criticism and belittle that person to a further extent.  Since Elizabeth’s decision is not regularly anticipated, Mrs. Bingley decides to criticize her daughter’s individuality: “..remember who you are, and do not run on in the wild manner that you are suffered to do at home” (28). Since Elizabeth does not conform, Mrs. Bingley sees this as an invitation to criticize the one daughter of the family who has an opinion. Elizabeth apparently ‘runs wild’ at home, thus connoting her separation from her other sisters and demonstrating her liberty. One’s individuality leads to freedom within their life and thoughts; moreover, without society telling you what to believe in, and more or less how to think, your mind is free to roam wherever. Of course, there is always a limit to how much freedom is allowed in one’s life-- which lines up to the conflict of when to conform and when it’s encouraged. One cannot live freely and independently with society beaming down their necks to abide to their regulations, but one must face the pressure of society in order to cross the bridge and accept the challenge.

Essay Ranking

1st Essay- I would rank this essay between an B+ to an A-. The introduction sets up the thesis very well. The thesis reflects the main point of the essay and talks about what the essay is about without any surprises. The full essay isn't too lengthy and makes points without summarizing. All the quotes are set up well with lead-ins and the transitions between paragraphs flow well. The conclusion sums up the essay nicely but is maybe a little too vague in the last couple of sentences.
2nd Essay- I would rank this essay as an A-. I think this essay does a very nice job at comparing the two authors. The introduction is strong and sets up the thesis very well. The thesis is clear and arguable and states the two contrasting authors nicely. Each paragraph contains good quotations but should maybe have another sentence after the topic sentences before going into the lead-in for the quotation. The conclusion has no problems and sums up the essay really well.
3rd Essay- I would rank this essay between a C+ and a B-. I think this essay is too long and too conversational at times. The thesis is pretty much clear and shows complexity for the essay which is good. However, most of the essay is repetitive. The 2nd body paragraph doesn't include a quote which is a problem because this would help the writer illustrate their point and maybe make the essay less repetitive. Furthermore, the third body paragraph has too many quotes. The conclusion is a little choppy and too conversational.

Introduction and Thesis

An individual is a person with an identity. Since a society is compromised of a group of individuals, there are similar and contrasting interests dispersed throughout the variety of people which can be ignored or accepted. Individuality consists of constant peer pressure which leads to the challenging question: when in life is it the time to conform to society’s expectations? Although independence makes everybody different, isolation is the resultant and can transform one’s psychological issues of how to cope with separation. Individuality connotes freedom of expression without the need of anybody else’s influence. Society is a cruel monster that never leaves your side; and one must battle their entire life to try to escape its influential power over one’s mind and life style. Disrespect and no consideration for one’s values belittles one to the extent that conforming to society is necessary at some level; and as your life continues to change, and so have the societies around you, it is then your opportunity to judge how your values define yourself and what needs to change in order to conform and what personal qualities remain the same. Transitions and acceptance can illuminate your growth from one atmosphere to another; such as, changing schools, adapting fashions trends, etc. Conformity is a version of growing as an individual and sometimes it is necessary to live in a happy environment instead of suffering from disrespect.

Thesis: While at first individuality presumably leads to happiness and freedom from conformity, close examination reveals that disrespect and isolation is the consequence without conventionally abiding to society’s inescapable pressurized way of life.

To His Coy Mistress

In 'To His Coy Mistress,' Marvell uses hyperbolic language to exemplify his exaggeration of the distance between him and his lover. He begins the poem with a slow pace in the first stanza and begins to quicken in the second stanza and so on. His change of pace is determined by the 'pivots' in both the indents of the 2nd and 3rd stanzas. As the pace quickens so does the message Marvell tries to convey- carpe diem. The speaker demonstrates his urge to convince her to seize the day and to live her life like everyday is the last. Marvell's shift of 'tense' shows the urgency of time and how time is going by without any notice. Marvell expresses the message of carpe diem by stating, "Thy beauty shall no more be found, Nor, in they marble vault, shall sound my echoing song;" (line 25-26). The speaker portrays that even though his lover's beauty is fading, love still exists and that she must seize everyday of her life regardless of her appearance.

Something Blue

This year I would like to read Something Blue by Emily Griffin. I started reading it this summer on the plan ride home from New York and I started to like it but I didn't have a chance to finish reading the book. I wanted to read this book because I read the first book in the series called Something Borrowed, which I really liked. I also saw the movie Something Borrowed and I wanted to read a continuation of the story.